Saturday, July 24, 2004

there's nothin fer me to blog actually.. until today, jus now...
 
im pissed
it was no fun at all...
it was never fun
cant we jus have a clean bbq? issit a must fer "drinks" to be present everytime there's a party? i dun understand.. the fact tt im there to witness it jus made it all worse.. im disappointed.. fine .. u pple might say tt im makin a fuss out of things.. but..
i feel like i've sinned..like its my fault.. yeah.. to see my fellow --- drink too...(ok..i really hope im wrong but knowin---, as if --- wont?!) haiz.. i dun care if the others drink...
it's gonna be my fault if i do not stop or at least advice---not to ---
like halo? dun i deserve a lil' respect fr u pple? at least do it when im not there or rather not do it at all  if the thought of "hey, tis is not the tyme la, not right cos she's here..." ever cross u pple's mind..
wat am i suppose to do when u peeps are drinkin..jus sit there and stone?
fine..call me a spoilsport fer all u want.. say lydia is such a b****, acting good and all.. the fact is im not k.. i admit im not like the really pious type but i still do obey rules.. knowin wats wrong and right...
im gonna be damn disapppointed if the $ i've chipped in was partly spent on tt stuff.. i hope not and i know they wouldnt do tt? rite?
u guys can read this .. i dun care and i know by writin this.. some of u are gonna be pissed...but .. i jus had to.. u know.. release the disappoinment? anger? in me...
 
anyways, mrs helen tan made all of us do fer each n everyone of us "good qualities i see in my frens"... yeah.. one of my classmates said im "subdued" (as explained my my gp tutor..it means some one, smthg is forcing me to suppress the real me) i totally agree.. wonder who wrote tt..
 
it's hard being me at least at tt place..
it's never hard to be me infront of the pple i love n vice versa... u know who u r...
its hard to be me when i know tt everyone ard me is jus as fake,pretentious n all..
watever u do and say is being commented behind ur back..
u never know who is really true, true to the frenship tt is made
pple might think tt we'r united
the truth is.. we are not... everyone is different.. so so different
it's hard to mix, to click
we never will be.. it'll take a miracle to do jus tt...
how much do we know bout each other?
tt day of separation will come.. and wat will we be reminded of? of each other?
are we jus goin to say.. oh she's gd in ---, oh, he's the joker of the class... tt's all..
 
i agree im subdued, motherly.. ever tot why? 
cant afford to fool ard w my life..
--- worked so hard, suffered so much jus to --- me up..
jus so to have a normal life.. 
cant waste --- efforts..
cant afford to let --- taste the disappoinment.. 
 forced to grow up
but..at times  can afford to be childish too... hah.. 
glad bad times are gone.. the days where life is filled with fear and sorrows
the feeling of --- (  dun even dare to think back..) 
always envious of frens havin ---
those who get to call their folks..
*even though --- dun say it... deep down..i miss him
jus wish tt things wld turn out differently... a happy endin
but i know the day will never come...
 
ok.. really have no idea where all this outburst of emotions come from but then u see...
"one smile hides a thousand tears" (thanks fel fer the quote..)
somebody u know may be bubbly all the tyme, xi xi ha ha... but all these is jus a facade.. jus a way to hide the insecurities in us, the ----....  wat i wanna say is.. dun assume this assume that.. "wat u see may not always be the truth..."
 
*okies..dear frens..if u dunno wat im tokin about... its ok..its meant to be this way.. its just one of those days..i guess one thing leads to another.. yep... till then..